Dear Friends,
On Monday, my family marked the spookiest day of the year. No, not Halloween--October 31 was also Handshake Day, when offers go out for new Foreign Service jobs. For the last several months, my husband has powered through the intense process of bidding for his next overseas assignment with the State Department. First the research, then informational interviews, actual interviews, some additional essay exercises in the name of equity. Then came shortlists, “leading candidate” emails, and then the final “handshakes.”
If you’d like to know more about the anxiety of this process, my friend Jill Duffy has a great newsletter all about it, exploring what it would be like if we weren’t all so superstitious about what we want.
Early Halloween morning, the handshake arrived (read: the automated email arrived): our next post will be Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan.
We’ll have another year and a half here in Alexandria while my husband finishes his current assignment and goes to language school, and then we’ll leave for two years in Bishkek.
It’s always interesting to measure people’s first reactions to the announcement.
Where??
I had to Google this place.
Ohhhh. Are you…excited?
Is it safe?
Your family is so brave to do this.
This last one is the one I hear the most. So brave.
Seven years into my husband’s work with the State Department, I don’t feel that brave. We went to Saudi Arabia from 2016-2018, Qatar from 2018-2020, and Kyrgyzstan will be our third overseas assignment.
Though Central Asia is entirely new to us, there are certain consistent elements of living overseas.
There are the long travel days, the confusing appliances; there’s the pocketful of new currency. There are the common experiences: sharing a pin or GPS coordinates because cool stuff isn’t always on the map. (Including your house, when you want the pizza guy to find you.) There’s accidentally buying buttermilk instead of 2% because the label is in a language you don’t read. And the inevitable dinner snafu, when what you thought was beef turns out to be camel or horse. There are expats in every country, insisting that the local drivers are “the worst in the world.”
More than bravery, I think the trait needed for living overseas is an appreciation for absurdity.
My sister Ellie is especially good at this. When we got our handshake for Bishkek, she was full of enthusiasm. Our conversations volleyed between speculation and delight.
There’s a national day celebrating traditional hats! We should definitely go to that market that’s built entirely of shipping containers. Have you seen the photos of Lake Issyk-Kul? I read that the Kyrgyz people “are especially fond of cake.”
I’ve written before about how leaning into absurdity can help you live a happier life, and I think it’s an especially good framework for when you’re called on to be “brave.”
When my father was dying, I made a list of all of the absurdities I could see. The hospital phlebotomists wearing red like the Rajneeshis. The old woman in the physical therapy gym working out in pearls and a full face of makeup. At the funeral, when the Rabbi mentioned rain, and several gallons of water that had accumulated on top of the tent splashed down around us in a great gush.
“Having a good sense of humor” feels like a big ask during a major life transition. It can also feel like something you’re born with or not. Noticing absurdity, though, feels like a more accessible practice. There are so many things you might be personally prone to notice: the funny, the bizarre, the ironic, the beautiful, or just the out-of-place. The contrasts: light in the dark, the dark in the light. When a sense of humor feels out of reach, we can try instead to just take ourselves less seriously as we remain open to these things.
When I think of bravery, I think of strength. Of standing straight, looking fear or despair in the eye. But the practice of appreciating absurdity and taking ourselves less seriously engages, instead, with our smallness.
In 2024, my family of three will travel across the globe to live in Kyrgyzstan, where people have lived for generations and generations. As I struggle to order coffee in Russian, make new friends, or figure out how to get across town, I will feel small and ungainly among a culture that already has its own rhythms and history. But, so far from home, I will also have something the locals do not: fresh eyes. I will challenge myself to notice and enjoy. It’s not big bravery, but it’s usually enough.
Prompt for art making: Think of the hardest challenge you are facing in your life right now. Has anyone called you “brave”? Have you felt the pressure to adopt an attitude of bravery? Instead, try to note one element of absurdity a day. Write it down, doodle it, or take a photo. How might an “absurdity journal” of your experience shape how you feel about this time?
Take good care,
Dot
News & Updates
Alexandria Art Therapy has immediate openings for new art therapy and counseling clients.
Ready to get started with therapy but have been sitting on a waiting list?
Adele Stuckey has immediate openings for new clients who are seeking support in a LGBTQIA+ affirming space for perinatal mental health, trauma recovery, and overall wellbeing. Adele works with individuals and couples who want to move through those stuck feelings and access a more grounded, fulfilling life.
Matthew Brooks has immediate openings for adults, children, and adolescents seeking support around anxiety, depression, general wellness, chronic or terminal illness, or loss. After school openings for students now available.
Katie Gaynor also has immediate openings for children and adolescents. Katie specializes in working with kids who have experienced grief or loss, or who may be struggling with anxiety or depression. Limited after school openings now available.
To get started, send an email to info@alexandriaarttherapy.com or fill out the form below.
Adele Stuckey on the Jordan’s Guardian Angels “A Rare Reality” Podcast
Adele was featured on the latest podcast episode of A Rare Reality. Listen in if you’re curious about what art therapy is, why it works, and how it benefits people of all ages. Now streaming on Apple, Spotify (below), and Google, or watch the video of the episode on Youtube.
Blog Posts
If you’ve been following us for a while, you probably know we’re big fans of Zentangle. And sure, it looks really cool. But Zentangle is also a great tool to help you take a sensory break when you’re feeling tired, irritable, rushed, or overstimulated. In our latest blog, Adele Stuckey shares how she uses Zentangle for a sensory break.
Links We Like
How to Zentangle your stress away on DailyOm (With advice from our Clinical Director, Adele!).
After I wrote this week’s essay, I found this article, which could be its cousin. Look for levity, even if you’re a “recovering serious person.” (NYT Gift Link)
Sure, we can do hard things. But how do we do them?
Made me laugh (and then cry a little): Anxiety sleep, explained.
Do these statements make you feel defensive? (Then it’s time to CREATE.)
The “cool mom” myth. (The Cut)
If other mindfulness practices aren’t cutting it, you might try listening to new music.
“Addiction is a progressive narrowing of the things that bring you pleasure. Happiness is a progressive expansion of the things that bring you pleasure…beware of anything that delivers high dopamine with minimal effort.”
What are your core values? (Including a list to get you thinking.)
Feeling small looking at views of Kyrgyzstan; photo by Beksultan Masal:
